Smack

Concerns of a Lazy Wig Wearer

Wig is life.

Wigs and weaves

I imagine that a 135 inch 100% Purvian/Armenian hybrid wig is great. I’ve never had that particular mix but I can only imagine that it is absolutely litty.

Imagine your hair having the same 7 functions of life you do. When you walk in the cool summer breeze, it too, moves. When you brush it, there is no harsh obstructions and tangling- just the smoothness that resembles the privilege of a milk person. Then on the weekend, just in time for the viewing of #BlackPanther, you do a quick switch up and it’s as stiff as a Hillary Clinton doing the nae-nae. The flexibility of hair is ah-mazing and for that I am on the level above next level kinda greatful.

Visualize the moment your hair was a collection of differnt messes, and you conveniently popped the wig on. You propably instantly went from Cristiano Ronaldo, Bonang, and Loot Love before they had gang loads of duffel bag money –  to how they are now.

Wig
they say ” you’re not ugly, just broke.” Imagine:/

Again, wigs are great but they require vigilance. You have to stay woke to your surroundings if your 28 inch baby isn’t clipped or glued on – which is often the case with me.

So it should be fair to point out that these are problems I personally have had with wigs. I might be wrong. I might just be a rookie in the wig game and generalizing a problem that is non existent in the wig wearers association.

1. Itching.

Listen, it takes alot to sit with cornrows, a wig cap AND a wig that has been secured by the gods. Secured so well you didn’t leave a gap nyana to poke a finger in and scatch the itch on the scalp. So when it itches, issalot. I actually cannot explain this in anymore detail than the heading. Have you ever scratched an itch on your inner thigh after a long  day of tight jeans? That ” ahhhyuuuhhhh ” feeling you get after successfully scratching your skin away feels good doesn’t it? Now imagine never getting there😢.

2. External risks

One day a mate and I were in town and getting ready to make our way to the myciti station. Anyone who knows Civic Centre knows that it is basically Man versus The Elements in that section of town.

A complete done hun, babes had a bag, a cute outfit that included a skirt and an attached pony tail. I on the other hand, a real nigga and frequent pedestrian at the time, I was more prepared.

I was READY. The time came to cross the road and I kid you not when I say the wind man handled us the way Zuma handled our country in the face of the Guptas – poorly, but with confidence .

It shook us and threw us to the ground, man if my crush was there and got dropped to the floor by the wind, I would immediately lose interest. What do you go to the gym for if not for situations such as these? So if we were a couple we’d both get dropped as a unit? Uhm.. 👀🚶

Anyway, my mate in all her snack glory had to save herself, hold her skirt down AND save her attachment 😢. She had to make a decision that she could live with while in the bus back home. Baby hun’s underwear was hella cute lol so I guess that’s that. The attachment flew off but she’s woke so she caught it in time. Rather a quick peep at cute knickers, than the whole bus seeing that you were basking in full hair glory juuuust a second ago and then all of a sudden your hair is rolling in the road like tumbleweed, right?

An external risk is  anything that can and will hinder the security of the wig. Drunk people in the club who like to pull on things are included and children? They are Eiffel Tower kinda high up on this list.

 

3. Bae and boys

Over the years I have come to think that men are very curious to learn about the how and why of the wig life – they just don’t want to say it. It’s the ” How is it still on your head after I threw you into the pool (happened to me) and ” why do you wear one when you have hair? ” kind of curiosity.

A couple of years ago I was at my mates matric shenanigan and I had a weave on. One of the young tender chocolate snacks present, was said to be interested in me but I was quite oblivious because I was also in the presence of food, so once more, I was not woke to game. While seated on the carpet talking to my mate and digesting my food (as real thugs do) this young man comes through …

 

… and puts his hand

 

deep in my hair…

and started playing with the tracks my weave was sewn onto😭.

Obviously shook by his vile uncultured behavior and lack of respect for the weave I smacked his hand away like ” oi bruh, cummon! ”

Looking back at this, I am a little shook because imagine if it was a wig. An unclipped, unglued,  unsecured wig. Hahah :/ This young man would have done that whilst we were within the people. Oh wow, see God’s mercy?

But then again, he might have grown up with alot of women at home and it’s just something likes doing – playing with weave tracks. Only he knows.

4. Roots and edges

Matching the hair you have left out, to the wig can cause drama in ones life if not equipped.  I used to be a natural for 5 years and it was amazing. In the quest to match my hair and to the wig, a couple of treatments were done. We thought it would be temporary,  but alas. Today I sit with some f*ked up hair and broken heart. I’ll cry if i go into detail. Let’s move on.

5. Sleepovers

Sleeping over is amazing. It’s a fun way to bond and catch up with girlfrends or your personal person. That is, until you need to take your wig off. Lol for those in new relationships I just want to know, at what point do you take your wig off?

And to the extreme coconuts, at what point do you take your wig off at Susan’s house? Or do you just opt for a swirlkous instead and then start making durag jokes to take away from the fact that you sleep with a stocking on your head?

 

It’s a little tough in these streets man – no matter  how long, luscious or expensive, there are some  struggles that are inherently attached to the slayage within the lazy wearer wig life.

That however, will not stop me from continuing. I mean, let’s be honest now, would you?

x

2 thoughts on “Concerns of a Lazy Wig Wearer

  1. Simply because I know how you speak in real time and that you literally write as you would actually say it… I absolutely love your blog!
    Well done! Please never stop!

    1. Thank you pudding 🙂 i genuinely appreciate that you take the time to read my blog 🐣❤ you’re so romantic

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