Smack

Chief and 5 Girls in a Garage

” It was silent for some time, then Chief, with a bellow he had obviously been reserving for this moment, summoned for Cupcake to get into the house… ”

So now, at this point the general thought is probably ‘ Nah, they not gonna let Cupcake go with this guy. They’re going to  protect her.

Not actatualy, hey.:/ At this point, Louvadia was like ‘ bruh, go’ and I shared the exact same sentiments. I was on some ‘ listen cupcake, this isn’t the kind of cool we’re tryna be. Go if you’re going. ‘

The gents leave once  more, and they give us some time to have our little tribal counsel meeting I assume. Nominating who we are going to put up for sacrifice first. I sound like a bad friend but I knew exactly who I was voting off of Golf GTI Island should the time come.👀

‘ haibo guys, I’m not going anywhere’, shrugs Cupcake.

Guys, she said she’s not going. SHE SAID SHE’S NOT GOING!
TFFFFFFF you mean ‘haibo’ Cupcake??😭

This lead actress was proper causing more damage to our safety than anything else, and since Chief and Co wanted just her, I didn’t see why I had to be a part of this extreme game of GTI Survivor. Really, I didn’t.

From what I remember, the camps were two for two. Two telling Cupcake to get tfffff out the car and the other two telling Cupcake to stay put because ‘niggas ain’t sh*t’. We get out the car and try to figure out how to manually open the garage door. We’re trying everything, we’re pushing the door , we’re pulling on strings, we’re pulling levers – listen, if this  was a team pulling off a heist we legit would have gotten caught because we had NO plan and zero know how.

 

The door opens slowly, and we’ve obviously concluded that it’s go time. I imagined the worst scenarios. Remember, the music is still playing really loud in the house (not sure I mentioned that), they’re borderline drunk, and everywhere is locked. I literally thought ‘ we’re fucked’ – both in the highest literal and the figurative sense.

Secretary Chief walks in, and says nothing. He just walks in, makes the pots to be done, and all of a sudden the garage door opens – but only a little.

He tells us to hurry up and go before his senior, Chief anti English, gets  back.

BRO, all the rules of a fire patrol applied immediately . Louvadia, ever the vigilant one encouraged quick movement on some, ‘go go go!’. I couldn’t help but yell ” stop, drop and roll. Stop , drop and roll !’.

Just imagine 3 huns, in heels and freakum dresses rolling under a garage door opened at about 60/70cms. The other two (Louvadia and I) had jeans on because swagoosh never dies. Not even for a night out😎

As soon as the squad was out, we started runnniiiinnnnggggggg.

#fitspo #summerbody #fitfam #runNiggaRun

I dropped down, took my wedges off and RAN like my life depended on it – coz basically, it did 👀. Louva called for  me to slow down and I was like ‘ bro, take off your shoes! lets go !” . Out of this group of girls, I was the only one who took fitness serious at the time, and now, more than ever,  was the time to bring coaches sprint drills into to life. This was do or die. This was James in the last couple of seconds in the game against the Raptors, sprinting, driving the ball more than half the court to drop a young slam-dunk to a 105 – 103 victory for the Cavaliers. I was James, and I was going to sprint to slam the quack out of my freedom.🏃

As we’re starting to giggle ‘coz we thought we’d made it to the clear, we heard a car speeding down the road after us. The sun is out, it’s a new day. Why is Chief still in this mood though? 🙁

Pressure escalates mid-sprint and stupidity starts leaking once more – we decided that we’re gonna hide as a squad. I suggested we run through a park  so that when they speed around the corner of this crescent, they miss us because we’d have been hidden behind trees. We didn’t even get to the other end of the park when Deputy Chief came out of the car sprinting like Casta toward Cupcake.

Cupcake’s cousin turned back and tried to stop Deputy Chief (idk why tf that made sense to her😒) but he hooked her leg and tripped her. With quick glances over our shoulders, we watched her tumble to the ground and heard him tell her, not to be a road block, and he continued the chase. Casta was on the go.

The rest of us back at the No Loyalty Head Quarters carried on running toward the end of the park because this is not Lilo & Stitch and everyone who fu*ks around without consulting, gets left behind.

Asssss we reached the other end, Chief pulled up skrrr with the car, did a young donut and got out the car. As he got out, he took a swig at his beer, and then sooooo dramatically tossed it to the side. It smashed onto the road and I thought, ‘ ok wow Beyonce 👀 ‘.

Louvadia did not stop for a second, babes just kept running. I stopped coz I was too scared to pass this crazy, crazy man but when I saw my nigga make it passed him , I got inspired man. I got so inspired, I started, and didn’t stop until we got on to the main road.

We got a safe distance away and paused to discuss what our possible plan of action could be from this moment on, when we heard Hun 2.0 ( not Cupcake or her cousin, the third girl) yell ‘ he’s got a gun !’

And that’s it, we started running again. Welcome to the long distance division of the Olympics ladies and gents.

Louva said something like bro wait, no. Don’t run he’ll shoot you first. I was like uhm, so he must shoot me when I’m standing still instead?? I backed it up, turned, and continued to run coz again, I am not a real life gangsta and such adrenaline does not appeal to me.

I hid behind a transparent myciti stop for a few minutes when Louvadia walked by me on some ‘ seriously dude, a transparent bus stop? ‘. That spot made sense to me and I stand by my decisions as it was made in a moment saturated in stress. 🤗

I don’t know what happened back there, but eventually Cupcake, her cousin and Hun 2.0 caught up to us and I started running again coz for real, I’m not trying to hang out with these girls. Starting immediately. I’m exhausted, hungry and barefoot. Not even soccer players run this much in a match man.

We got to a Caltex garage and decided to summon a cab. We popped Taxi Man a much deserved, and long overdue call and were told to hold tight for 15 mins, it would be there.

You would think after all this drama, that Cupcake and Co. would stop living on the edge, but nooooo. Some random guy walked into Caltex and Cupcake, yes CUPCAKE AGAIN says ‘ hey can you buy me a pie and coke?’

 

😭

 

what👏 the👏 super👏quack.

I don’t know what was said afterwards, but then she said something like nah I don’t like cans I want a bottle.

👀

 

Our cab comes, and Cupcake and Co get in too telling the driver various destinations. Louva and I are quiet coz I was to be sleeping over at her place but we’re not tryna tell these huns that.

Before Cupcake’s stop,we ask her, ‘ bro, BROOOO, what was that man ? Who was that random guy ?’

lol listen, it turns out he’s not thaaat random. They knew each other, yes, but had more history than we thought.

If I remember correctly, Chief had a thing for her, and has beeeeeeeeen stalking her for years. He has been arrested even.  Cupcake was chilled because she was basically daring him to hurt her so she could follow through on threats of her own that she had made. She was scared too, but had to be a cool kid so he could cav the seriousness of her no fxk given stance.

As for her accepting his drinks knowing FULL well she’s had him locked up multiple times, we don’t know. Her getting into his car, we don’t know and us getting into his car, we established was stupidity at it’s richest.

To this day, we haven’t seen Chief around (or we have and I just don’t recall his face) and it’s gotten to a point where I feel like we imgined this demon. Like, how do you just disappear after such chaos?

But on a slightly serious note, we were fortunate enough to not have Chief and Co act on any of their threats because whooo, the set up for it was toooo real.

Obviously not all attempts at a turn up is this dramatic, but in closing I’d like to say if FOMO catches you but you don’t have the cash dollar for drinks, have water. IT’S HEALTHY. If you do have money but just don’t feel like spending your own because you’re of the belief that gents should fund the turn up, then that’s cool too I guess – just don’t drag your acquaintances into it when it gets tense.

In the words of Facebook forex traders,  ‘High risk, high reward baba’.

 

The end. Everyone got out alright.

 

x

10 thoughts on “Chief and 5 Girls in a Garage

  1. Woah, i honestly did not expect that twist of them knowing each other lol. Was on the edge of my seat always but like you said ‘Everyone got out alright’.

  2. This cake nearly donated everyone’s lives and she still had the audacity to demand buddy cokes from strangers 😂😂 no shame

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